Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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