you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
