yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
