theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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