sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's great music for shaving your balls
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
