His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
