flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
