Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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