Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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