dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched