I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS