ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno