Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet

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  (303): Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet http://tfl.nu/rdc9
  Replies (17) Good night (940) Bad night (2683)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

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  (301): I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this. http://tfl.nu/hhg4
  Replies (12) Good night (1318) Bad night (2690)
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  (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

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  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5590) Bad night (1997)
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  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2322) Bad night (1151)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster

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  (701): So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster http://tfl.nu/imtg
  Replies (13) Good night (1066) Bad night (3523)
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  (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

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  (661): I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight http://tfl.nu/99ir
  Replies (11) Good night (2793) Bad night (906)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE

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  (256): The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/2u36
  Replies (11) Good night (1346) Bad night (2713)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again

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  (773): Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again http://tfl.nu/5np3
  Replies (2) Good night (813) Bad night (421)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.

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  (330): You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower. http://tfl.nu/aao1
  Replies (6) Good night (1420) Bad night (523)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.

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  (541): I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer. http://tfl.nu/oba2
  Replies (7) Good night (1783) Bad night (493)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night

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  (306): he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night http://tfl.nu/gymz
  Replies (0) Good night (476) Bad night (317)
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  (646): View more from New York

  His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.

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  (646): His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex. http://tfl.nu/fp57
  Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (551)
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  (530): View more from California

  I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.

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  (530): I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing. http://tfl.nu/soo7
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (477)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.

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  (307): I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex. http://tfl.nu/b6dd
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (290)
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  (805): View more from California

  Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.

  (805): View more from California

  My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.

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  (805): Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something. (805): My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket. http://tfl.nu/4z93
  Replies (5) Good night (302) Bad night (592)

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