yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
