so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
