Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
