I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
