There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
