ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
