$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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