you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
