In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that is very illegal...i love you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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