Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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