dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
