all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
