just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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