I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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