you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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