So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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