We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
