Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
