dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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