How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
