i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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