allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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