my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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