Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
