My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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