Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
