is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
