I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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