i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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