So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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