There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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