i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
