Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you made out with another girl for some wings
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
