Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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