Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
