By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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