OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
