I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
