Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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