Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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