I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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