first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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