I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
