i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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