We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
