Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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