Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
