While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
