on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
