We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
