look no pants
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
