Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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