No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
