im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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