at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
