I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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