im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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