What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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