Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
