nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
