Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
