where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he fucked my hip out of place.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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