well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
